The Stolen Olive

July 15, 2006

Mental Hospital Phone Menu

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the MotherShip.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

Posted by FutureFoodTVStar at July 15, 2006 04:51 PM

Comments

*mashing 3,4,5 and 6*

I loved this! This was hilarious!

Posted by: kimmyk at July 16, 2006 09:30 AM

BWAHHAHAHAHAHAAA!

Posted by: Kami at July 16, 2006 11:26 PM

LMAO!!

Posted by: Renee at July 17, 2006 08:35 AM

That is too funny!!!!

Posted by: Carrie at July 17, 2006 05:11 PM

Bwahahahahaha

I have a recording of this. It is so hilarious!

Posted by: SuZan at July 18, 2006 08:35 AM

What I have falls under so many catecories I would be pushing buttons all day. Great post.

Posted by: Thao at July 18, 2006 02:15 PM